Very Scientific Theory I

My Theory on Why Most Men Will Refuse to Strike Women
by Alex Kassamali Zachernuk

I am sure you know, for it is common knowledge, that all men have penises. This is, in fact, the reason that their pants are often much looser than those made for the female members of their species- the uncomfortable arrangement is simply too inconvenient.
   Directly linked with this unsightly appendage on the lower male anatomy is the presence of the chemical testosterone in the body. This chemical, which is the root of all masculinity, instructs the man to do two things:
   First and foremost, it instructs him to have sex with women.
   Secondly, and only slightly less, it instructs him to engage in physical combat with other men.
   These two instructions are directly related. This means that, if a man were to strike a women, his thinking process produced by the considerably amounts of testosterone in him would observe this action and become extremely confused.
   "Why am I doing this?" The man would ask himself. "This is a female of my species. I shouldn't be striking her, I should be having sex with her."
   If this were to become a repeated process, the hormone-influenced process of the male mind would begin to think that this was the way it was supposed to be. It would become confused, and instead of telling the man to strike other men and have sex with women, would tell him to strike women and have sex with other men. Deep down, every heterosexual man knows that this would happen and doesn't want it, and so avoids it by not hitting qomen.
   Now, obviously, this brings up a few questions. First of all, what about the men you beat their partners into submission, and yet still seem to harbor a desire to have sex with them? Well, I am of the opinion that the testosterone in these men has long ago made this switch, and they are simply trying to cover it.
   Secondly, what does this mean for homosexual men? I say nothing. Most gay men have enough estrogen in them that it overrides the two basic commands of their testosterone.
   And thirdly, is this is what happens when a man hits a woman, why doesn't the same thing happen when women hit men? Well this is a combination of two things. Mostly, it is because deep down, all women are truly lesbians, and hence are unaffected in the same way gay men are (although their prevailing heterosexuality allows them so still strike one another). Also, the messages sent to women by their hormones are much more complex than those of testosterone, and hence not as easily disrupted.
   And so, if ever again you hear a human male refusing to deal a blow to a member of the opposite sex, now you know why.